self confidence

  • Launching a Dream

    July 11, 2021 marks the day that I will actually launch a dream (and I’ve had many so this is a really big deal – to me anyway.) Although I’m one of those people that thinks there’s magic in double numbers, I didn’t pick the date. In fact, until today, I thought my launch date was July 16. I’m clearly not one for setting clearly defined goals or writing down deadlines as my editor at Canadian Firefighter will attest to. Thanks for not writing me off, Laura!

    The Back Story

    Four years ago, I left my job to forge a new path with little more than the soft voice in my heart leading the way. I had no game plan, no strategy or tactics, no map. Heck, I didn’t even know for sure what I wanted to do or where I was headed.

    The only thing I did know was that I hated the feeling of being boxed in, which is what I always felt when I worked for someone else. I resented having to get up and be somewhere at a set time, and I felt trapped in any workplace, as if I was selling my soul for a paycheck. I was trading my precious time for the almighty dollar and it wasn’t a worthy trade in my mind.

    I didn’t hate my jobs, in fact, I had jobs I absolutely loved when I started them, but I always seemed to end up in the same place disillusioned place somewhere between “this isn’t IT” and, “I don’t know what IT is, but this doesn’t feel like it’s IT.”

    Fast Forward 3 Years

    After wandering somewhat aimlessly, blowing through my savings and racking up the online courses (thanks to my course addiction and always thinking THIS will be the course that launches me into the stratosphere as a coach and speaker) I wound up back at the job that I’d left in the first place.

    Happy to have a sense of purpose and a steady income again, I settled into my renewed role. Actually, that’s a lie. I threw myself into my role and overworked myself into burnout. Again and again. It took me about 8 months to finally clue in that this was a pattern and to finally get off the roller coaster, set boundaries and develop a more sane approach to work.

    While I was distracted by my new mission of finding that illustrious work life balance, the dream that I’d shelved started to whisper in my ear.

    I ignored it. “Not now.” I whispered back. “Maybe not ever.”

    I had a job I enjoyed, I was making decent money, I got to work from home and travel to teach. What more could I want? I was content doing what I was doing.

    Or was I?

    Here I Go Again

    I spent three years trying to get that dream of mine off the ground. I had some success but nothing earth shattering and I was hesitant to put the time and energy into it again. Building your own business is a character builder and not for the faint of heart, which is why I didn’t think it was for me (despite the quietly stubborn resistance to being confined to anything that felt remotely like a box.

    However, the whisper refused to be silenced. I took the dream down off the shelf and blew the dust of the last year from it.

    As if by magic, a program appeared before my eyes in my FB feed with a trusted and hugely successful female entrepreneur and before I knew it, I’d invested in a 3 month journey and another shot at launching my dream.

    But here’s where the story changes – I actually did something with this course. I created something I’m very proud of and that I poured a ton of time, energy, insight and love into and I saw the damn dream through to completion for once!

    Whether you know me from my entrepreneurial journey, my writing, through the fire service or are a longtime friend, you’ve likely seen my posts or read my ramblings about my fascination with body language. I can’t help but be excited as I launch my first online course for women that teaches them how to harness the power of their body language.

    This isn’t just a course teaching women how to harness the power of their body language though, it’s about teaching them to harness their innate power!

    If you’d like to join the adventure, click here!

    I can’t wait to see you on the inside of my newly created INTROVERT ACADEMY and my first launch of Body Language Badassery – 6 weeks to unshakeable confidence!

    If I can tap into my inner badass, anyone can! Body language awareness was the key to this introvert finally feeling comfortable and confident in her own skin.


  • Beyond Fear

    Today I had to do a swim test as a prerequisite for an upcoming ice water rescue course that I’m doing this weekend. The test consisted of treading water for 15 minutes and swimming 100m with a PFD on. It wasn’t the actual test that bothered me so much as the going out without a stitch of makeup on and getting into a swimsuit in the middle of winter, and not with my family, which would’ve at least made it bearable just for the fact that it’s spending time with the family, and that makes everything worth it. Since this test is part of a training course offered through the volunteer fire department that I’m on, the lead instructor was there, an officer from my department, and a fellow firefighter from my station (who was also doing the test) were all there too.

    As a woman, if there’s ever a time that insecurities are going to come out, being in a bathing suit will do it to ya. I’m sure there are women out there that are extremely self confident and have no problem whatsoever in a bathing suit, summer or winter. I just don’t know any personally. And even though I get on my treadmill regularly and do weights often, I battle my own long standing insecurities any time I think of putting on a bathing suit. At least in the summer, one has the benefit of a tan to hide such imperfections and make one feel much better about themselves, in my experience anyway.

    As for the lack of makeup…don’t get me wrong. I’m not obsessed with my looks ( I believe them to be average), and I don’t spend tons of money on the latest and greatest beauty products ($5 mascara, $7 eyeliner and a little foundation here and there to cover the red spots and/or bags under my eyes…priceless.) I’m not sure if it’s an age thing or a stress thing but my skin definitely seems to be less than radiant most days, so if a little makeup here and there makes me feel better, so be it.  However, you do not wear makeup in the pool, it’s just not an option, so bare faced I went. Oh how I wish my “bare faced” was as fresh and clean and bright looking as the “bare faced” models in magazines…hahaha. Okay, back to the real world. (I suppose there is water proof makeup out there that may do the trick, but that definitely seems like going over board to “save face”.

    Makeup and body issues aside, I passed the test. I was glad I passed it, but not surprised. I had always been a strong swimmer when I was younger so I figured I could handle it, even if I don’t swim very often these days.

    The greatest victory for me today was not in passing the swim test, it was in testing myself and passing that I felt a victory had been won. I honestly didn’t care about how my body looked in the swim suit when I was at the pool (I felt good on the inside and that’s what mattered), and I wasn’t concerned with how I looked without makeup (did it really matter, after all?). I was also proud of myself for even doing the test and keeping up with the 20 something year old fellow firefighter that just happens to be training to become a full time firefighter and therefore is in extremely good shape. As a 40 year old mother of two, having the self confidence and self esteem to do the things you fear is hugely important to me so that I can be a good role model for my daughters.

    I don’t always feel as confident as I do at this particular moment in time, but I’m hoping that the more that I push myself beyond of my comfort zone and face my fears, the more my self confidence will grow, and someday become the norm. Fun Fearless Female. That’s what I’m going for. 40’s not too late is it???

    If you have that strong sense of self, nothing can stop you. That’s what I want for my girls….and for myself!