• My Soul Reconnection and the Peace It Brought Me

    Your Soul Knows

    I believe with all my heart that our souls know why we’re here and what we’re here to do. I also know that I had to forget most of what I believed to be true about myself in order to reconnect with my soul and the guidance that’s always been there for me.

    How It Feels to Lose Touch With Your Soul

    Ugh, where do I start? Sleepless nights, irritability, feeling directionless and filled with inner angst…wait, those all could’ve been menopause symptoms…however they do relate to losing touch with your soul as well. How about feeling lost, disconnected, ungrounded, and an alarming lack of love in my heart? Perhaps this quote by Katharine Butler Hathaway best explains my malaise.

    “If you let your fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, your life will be safeexpedient and thin.”

    Not only could I not feel my deepest instincts or hear the voice of my soul, my life had indeed become safe, expedient and thin. And yes, fear played a big role in that because I’d lost my connection to source and to the larger part of me that knew all was well.

    Three Steps I Took

    The first step in finding my way back home and reconnecting with my soul was to learning to be gentle with myself. One of the reasons I’d lost touch with my soul was because I’d forgotten the power of grace. Allowing myself the kindness and compassion that I so willingly give others was a necessity in my journey back to myself.

    Being gentle with yourself means softening when you notice the tendency to be critical. It means giving yourself time and space for that which touches your heart. For me, it meant revisiting the things that had proven to nourish my soul in the past – meditation, reading and journalling – each morning before I got out of bed.

    Secondly, I made sure to get outdoors for a walk everyday. Movement isn’t purely a physical thing. It’s an emotional, spiritual and physiological experience that benefits you on so many levels. Being outdoors in nature is tending to your soul. It’s about giving yourself a precious, delicate sliver of time just for you in which you foster serene presence and gratitude for your mind, body, soul and nature itself.

    (And if there were days that I didn’t walk, I didn’t beat myself up for it. Ever.)

    Thirdly, I practice loving myself – fully, completely and unapologetically – on a daily basis. Yesterday while watching an old episode of Oprah, a young Deepak Chopra said, “your cells hear every thought you think” and I knew this to be true in a way that required no thought on my part.

    a soak in the tub soothes the soul
    Image credit: @callyjanestudio on instagram


    Who We Really Are

    We are all undeniably loveable no matter what we think about ourselves. Those negative thoughts you have about yourself are not the truth of who you are. You are an infinite being of love and light and if you think I’m blowing stardust up your arse then that’s your prerogative to think that way.

    I have just one question, is what you believe to be true about yourself at your core lifting you up or dragging you down?

    I used to have a litany of negative thoughts about myself that played on repeat like a record that skipped nonstop. It’s taken a considerable amount of work to reprogram that shit (and it may very likely be an ongoing process) but from the vantage point I have right now, it’s a very positive place up in that head space of mine.

    I’m closer to my truth than I’ve ever been, and that truth is that I am here to love – to give love, to feel love, to see love and to be love. As esoteric or woo woo as that may sound, I unfailingly believe that is what is at the heart of this life journey for all of us, and that’s the wisdom that’s come from reconnecting with my soul.

    Life Journey and Soul Journey Is Not the Same

    Our life journey’s purpose may be to give love, to feel love, to see love and to be love, which reconnects us to our soul, but our soul journey is much larger than that.

    Whether you believe in past lives, or parallel lives (as explained by Anita Moorjani in her book, Dying To Be Me in which she experienced a near death experience while in a coma and recovered from a 4 year cancer battle that ravaged her body upon her awakening), or you believe that this is your only life, I believe that our souls are capable of journeying far beyond what we can ever know with our physical senses.

    If you’ve read any of Wayne Dyer’s books, or Deepak Chopra’s books, you’ve come across this concept before too.

    I believe this soul of mine is what I am. My soul is who I am. My body isn’t. Look at it this way, you are not in the same body you were when you were 5 or 15 or 35, but the you that is inside is still there.

    That, my friends, is your soul and the true essence of who you are.

    My soul journey this time around has been to experience certain things that I once looked at as trauma, but that I now look at as simply the experiences through which I learned to love myself unconditionally and support others with love, compassion and understanding.

    A previous soul journey had me die in one of the world wars, (according to a palm reader), and which made perfect sense to me because I had such an ingrained and unexplainable resistance and/or avoidance of all things military. I suspect I may have also froze to death because I hate being cold…lol.

    Soul Guidance

    So what has reconnecting with my soul actually done for me? I’m glad you asked.

    While meditating yesterday morning, I received the message of “no more voids to fill”, followed by a warm wave of peacefulness within. I could try to explain how powerful message that was for me to receive but I don’t think words would actually do it justice. I also think that if you’ve been trying to fill your own internal voids, then you understand.

    The next thing I received was “magnet for good” and the image of a magnet came to mind.

    And I believe it.

    I feel it, I know it.

    And most importantly, I accept it.

    I no longer believe that I’m unworthy, or deeply flawed, or not good enough in any way.

    I’m believe I’m worthy, human and good enough in every way.

    Life will always have it’s ups and downs, laughter and tears, and difficult experiences to go through but now that I’ve reconnected with my soul, I know I’m always being guided, supported, protected and blessed.

    There is no greater gift.

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  • My daughter’s Christmas present

    My twelve year old daughter asked for a massage for Christmas. She’s a hockey player and she often asks me for a back massage, but I must admit, I’m not very good at it. I’ve only had one massage myself, several years ago, but I felt like a million bucks afterwards and wondered why on earth I had waited so long to have one. I wanted to buy a massage for everyone I knew, it was that powerful of an experience. So when my daughter asked for one, I went and got her a gift certificate with the same RMT that had done mine.

    Her appointment was this morning and since she is only 12 and didn’t quite know what to expect with it being her first one, I went in and sat with her while she had the massage done. There was soft music playing in the background, the room was serene and welcoming and the RMT (Gillian) explained everything to Sydney before starting. When we told her that Syd was playing in a hockey tournament tomorrow, she was able to adapt the massage in order to target certain muscles that would specifically benefit her in her games tomorrow. I joked that she was just like the pro athletes that have a massage before the big game. (It wouldn’t surprise me if she wants one after the big game now too!)

    I was fascinated by how she worked with each muscle group and seemed to be almost listening to each muscle as much as feeling the tension in them. I noticed how she would tilt her head a little to the side as she worked on a specific muscle, as if to be waiting for it to speak to her through her hands. She reminded me of the movie The Horse Whisperer, I suppose we’d call her the “muscle whisperer”. She clearly had found her calling. She was both completely focused on what she was doing, but also ensured her patient’s comfort at all times.

    What struck me most about the whole experience was the moment when I felt insanely close to tearing up while watching her work on Syd. I remember thinking to myself, “what is that all about?? why do I feel like like I’m about to cry??” But as soon as the thought registered, along came the answer. It was  watching someone (someone that I’d only met once before, and that Sydney had never met before) treat my daughter (my pride and joy), with the same tenderness, the same presence, the same level of connection that I had thought only a Mother could.

    It was a tender moment for me. To be there to witness first hand how much Sydney enjoyed it and how it was a beautifully relaxing experience for her, and to see the degree of care with which Gillian took of my baby.

    As parents, we love nothing more than sharing our children’s happiness with them, but to be able to share such a peaceful, nurturing moment with my daughter was purely bliss.