letting go

  • Ready or Not, It’s Time for a Rebirth

    Ready or Not

    I’ll go with NOT on this one, but apparently the Universe (or God or my spirit guides or whatever you want to call it) had other plans. As often goes, our toughest challenges provide us with our greatest gifts. Those tricky but necessary life lessons that we weren’t open to learning on our own, hence the higher power stepping in as if to say,

    “Ready or not, it’s time for a rebirth (because you’re clearly not getting it).”

    I’m also quite sure that my higher power said to the other higher powers, “watch this” while simultaneously orchestrating said rebirth and sending me into a tailspin.

    It’s Time For A Rebirth

    Have you ever found yourself doing things that you thought would make you better in some way, yet deep down it felt like you were heading in the wrong direction or doing something that didn’t feel as good in your heart as it sounded in your head? Maybe it seemed a little…desperate, or off the mark or incongruent? But you pushed harder, tried harder, put yourself out there more, continued to go against the grain. And not against the grain of others, but against your own grain.

    You vaguely noticed that you weren’t feeling the way you thought you’d feel as you continued trying to do this thing…this…whatever it happened to be that you were pursuing. You ignored the feeling and pushed it down and “rallied” as a good friend of mine often says. “Just try harder” you told yourself. Maybe you even said the dreaded, “suck it up” to yourself.

    PS, you’re not a vacuum. It’s not your job to suck it up.

    You want this thing. You’ve worked so hard for it. You’ve put so much into it. It’s such a big part of your life. You’re trying so freakin hard to just make this freakin thing work out that you’re almost about to lose your freakin mind…

    Until…

    Hello, it’s time for a rebirth.

    Newsflash

    Nothing external will ever fill that void you’re trying to fill.

    Read that again.

    Ok fine, have it your way. I’ll type it again for you.

    Nothing external will ever fill that void you’re trying to fill.

    No job, no relationship, no amount of money, no diet, no hairdo, no new car or new house.

    If you feel like there’s something missing in your life, I’ve got news for you…it’s YOU. It’s not any of that stuff I just mentioned. It’s YOU that’s missing. I personally spent most of my life trying to fill that void by way of a career. I’m the queen of quitting jobs. Great jobs. Amazing jobs. Career highlight jobs. I’ve walked away from more jobs than most people have even had in their lives.

    Jen in her firefighter uniform sitting in a fire truck

    Something was always missing and it took me until like yesterday to realize that it was me that was missing. How’s that for irony? I’ve struggled with anxiety all my life and blamed my sketchy career history on it, which is somewhat true, but underneath the anxiety was the..omg…the feeling that something was missing. What was missing? You guessed it! ME.

    It’s like trying to force an engine to work when there’s one little spark plug deep inside that’s misfiring, or not firing at all. It’s not ever going to work right until that little spark plug is cleaned or replaced. Except with humans, it’s a matter of either cleaning the limiting beliefs and faulty thoughts out of our head or dumping the programming and installing new stuff.

    What’s This Rebirth I Speak Of?

    Who knows, really? I’d never used the term until yesterday. I was feeling like a complete failure after something I’d gone though on Monday and I felt like I’d made a total mess of my life so when I got the hunch to book an appointment at a yoga retreat about 45 minutes from my house that I’d come across on line the day before, I decided to go with it. The session was called a Soul Guidance session and I didn’t really know what it was but I was very aware that my soul was telling me I needed to go do this thing.

    So I went.

    In case you’ve never read my blog before, or don’t know me personally, it’s important to note that I’m a chronic over thinker and I’m always in my head.

    When I drove to this location, I was completely at peace – and totally out of my head – and I hadn’t even arrived there yet (if you’re an over thinker than you can appreciate how big of a deal that really is). I enjoyed that beautiful gift for the rest of the day. Such complete bliss for someone like me!

    As for the rebirth, it’s really the only way I can explain what I went through yesterday. I’m not going to try describe my entire experience here but I’ll sum it up by saying that I feel whole, complete, present and deeply peaceful…all the things I’d struggled to feel most of my life. All of the things I mistakenly thought I could find if I could just get right job, because it would make me somebody. That’s actually what I believed about myself. I’ve always struggled with underlying thoughts that 1) I’m not enough and 2) I don’t measure up. Theres a few other gems like 3) I’m not that smart, 4) I’m weak and 5) I’m a failure. It all goes back to childhood crap but it’s junk like these negative thoughts that derails our lives despite our best efforts.

    The good news is, these thoughts seem absolutely untrue and ridiculous to me now. Up until now though, they controlled every move I made.

    It’s All Internal

    It wasn’t anything external to me, aside from a very intuitive and gifted woman (whose name is also Jennifer) guiding me along my journey back to my truth and it all occurred within about an hour. During the session, I recall saying to her that it felt like a rebirth and that was the first time the words had entered my mind or crossed my lips. It still stands true as I type these words.

    I feel like I’ve returned home to myself.

    Rebirth

    A large part of this roller coaster of a journey we call life is the growth process, or the evolution of things. We grow, we evolve, we try new things and let go of old things. Life is cyclical and things come and go. Tides ebb and flow and so do life circumstances. The problem occurs when we hold on to things too long in a desperate attempt to make it work. The key word being desperate. You KNOW deep down when something feels desperate. You know. You may try to deny that you know, but YOU KNOW.

    Just like I did but fought it, ignored it, tried to override it and suppress it by whatever means necessary.

    You know what kind of energy it takes to constantly fight that??? Ya, you do. You know that one too.

    Through my experience yesterday, I was able to very clearly see what in my life it was time to let go of. Not with feelings of anger or frustration or failure, but with a grateful heart and a deep appreciation for all the amazing experiences that it brought into my life. Honestly, I let go of it with love.

    Results

    I’m at peace and I’m happy to have the freedom to allow something new into my life along with all that awesome new creative energy that was being sucked up to fight against that which I already knew to be true.

    Choice is yours. If there’s something you know you’re avoiding facing, you can either do it yourself or wait for the universe to say to you,

    Ready or not, it’s time for a rebirth.”

    Letting go can be a really good thing you know…in ways you can’t even see yet.

    Jennifer Grigg

    PS, here’s the link to the amazing Pura Vida Soul Institute and the catalyst for my rebirth.

     

    Jen xo

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  • The Hard Part of Follow Your Bliss

    Cup of coffee to start the day
    Morning coffee

    It’s Wednesday and I woke up feeling tired. It’s not exactly in line with my living mantra of Follow Your Bliss, but it’s real life.

    I’m often awake around 3-4am, but I think it was closer to 4:30 this morning because the birds were chirping. I managed to fall back asleep around 5:30 and slept til 8, which felt really late to me. Maybe that’s where my day went a little sideways. I wasn’t even out of bed and I was already feeling behind in my day. In hindsight, I should’ve just stayed put and let myself enjoy the space of nothingness. Or at least grabbed my journal and dumped the negative thoughts that were starting to pile up in my brain on paper so as not to completely derail my day.

    I jumped out of bed, made my coffee, and headed for the couch and my laptop. Big Mistake. Scratch that, not a mistake – because I don’t believe in mistakes or in doing things wrong – I believe everything happens for a reason and it all teaches us something if we’re willing to see the lesson. In it’s simplest form, it teaches us to not do that again, whatever that happened to be. We make a choice or a decision and there’s a result that comes from that decision, which we either like or we don’t. In my case, my choice to go right into work mode caused a ripple effect of….ERG! UGH! and F*#K! for lack of a better description.

    Today I’m yet again reminded of the life lesson (life lessons keep repeating themselves until we actually learn them and change the behaviour that causes them to appear in the first place) that it’s impossible to do it all and incredibly stressful to even entertain the idea.

    I’m a firm believer in the Follow Your Bliss mantra, so much so that it’s tattooed on my left arm in memory of my brother Steven. I know without a doubt that we are all here to bring our natural gifts forward to share with the world and light it up in a way that it’s never seen before. Each and every one of us has unique talents that the world will never see if we don’t believe in ourselves and share them – which means that the very people that need to hear your voice/see your creativity/resonate with your words – will miss out. YOU may be just what someone else needs in order to heal. That’s what Follow Your Bliss means to me.

    Follow Your Bliss tattoo on Jen's arm
    The tattoo

    The hard part of Following Your Bliss is the behind the scenes part that no one sees. Trying to learn a bunch of new things simultaneously, for example. In my case: web design, business card design, accounting software, marketing, branding, becoming savvier with your social media, email marketing, SEO, completing the courses and training that your new business is based on – health & wellness coaching, body language training certification, human behaviour courses and essential oils, preparing for new public speaking opportunities – always fun for those with any ounce of anxiety – and of course, the fear of putting yourself out into the world in a whole new way, just to name a few.

    It’s working all hours of the day, trying to juggle a gazillion moving parts and finding your way all on your own. The benefit to working for someone else is that you show up, you’re told what to do, you put in your day and then you go home. When you’re an entrepreneur, you’re on your own. There is no one there to tell you what to do and no user manual to guide you. However, I knew I couldn’t work for someone else which, by the way, is a key indicator that you too are an entrepreneur at heart if that resonates with you.

    It’s a powerful experience in trusting and having unwavering faith in yourself and there have definitely been times when my faith wavered. You need to have a burning passion and a ton of grit to see this through. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried (today as a matter of fact), I’ve taught myself more than I ever thought I could, and had times where I’ve never felt more alone (also today).

    This journey of Following Your Bliss is not for the faint of heart.

    Having said that, I’ve been blessed with incredible mentors along the way that have helped me immensely in my journey (that is, when I allowed myself to reach out for help).

    An amazingly patient and insanely talented young website designer named Daynna Hartjes A Daynna Life  helped me create this beautiful foundation from which everything else will be built upon.

    My very good friend and motivational guru, Shelli Varela Shelli Varela, who had me on her podcast (which was totally awesome) and is always ready to offer words of wisdom or a kick in the [email protected]* whenever I need it.

    The stunningly authentic and beautiful Tara Marino and the Elegant Femme community Elegant Femme, whose courses have been the catalyst for me in reconnecting to my truth and my bliss.

    Vanessa Van Edwards and Danielle Baker at Science of People where I received my certification as a Body Language Trainer along with a ton of knowledge and experience on going down the entrepreneurial path.

    These wonderful people brought me back to shore when my little boat, the SS Jenny, was adrift.

    Jen and husband looking at each other
    My rock

    Especially, my husband Earl.

    After deciding 4 hours ago that I was NOT going to do anything work related today because I recognized that insufferable feeling of swimming upstream and the need to walk away, I’ve just written an 1000 word blog. Is it really work related though? EVERYTHING ends up being work related on some level when you’re an entrepreneur. It’s either directly related to work or becomes inspiration for your work.

    I find writing to be cathartic, therapeutic, soul nourishing and stress relieving. It’s an opportunity to express my deepest thoughts, dreams, feelings and desires and hopefully connect with others through my words and perspectives. It’s both work and play, content creation and therapy, cultivation and bliss.

    It’s also – I’ve just realized – the easiest way for me to do the thing I’m trying so hard to do – inspire others by Following My Bliss.

    There is a flip side to everything we do in life. The yin and the yang, light and dark, expansion and contraction. What makes the path of Following Your Bliss different from the usual slog through life is that you’re Following YOUR Bliss rather than someone else’s.

    Jennifer sitting in the sun, following her bliss
    In my happy place – at home in the sun
    As tough as it gets, the inner light that’s guiding me shines bright enough to light even the darkest of times.

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