anxiety

  • Create A Shift in Your Thinking

    Sunrise shift in perspective
    Sunrise – A shift in perspective

    Perception is Everything

    How do you think a shift in your thinking happens? Naturally, organically, of it’s own accord? Does it need to be precipitated by an outside experience or event? How and when does your perception of a situation change? What causes a shift in your thinking? I often find that I get a new perspective from reading and I’m an obsessive reader. I love, love, love my books. Sometimes, it will be a movie that spurs a change of awareness, and often times it’s from a deep conversation with a kindred spirit.

    I Am Not Your Guru

    I’ve had many “a-ha” moments of sudden understanding or awareness in my life and I seem to be going through a phase where they’re occurring in increasing frequency. So, so many shifts in perception and my thinking. In fact, it’s one of these very moments that inspired me to write this blog, in this moment. I’m watching the Tony Robbins Documentary, I AM NOT YOUR GURU for the third time. It’s been probably a year or two since I last watched it and I’m amazed at things that I’d missed the first and second time, that are capturing my attention now.

    Tony Robbins purpose.com
    Tony Robbins from purpose.com

    Truth Hurts

    You know that thing you’re struggling with right now? Probably just popped into your head, whatever that thing is for you. If it didn’t, you’re likely consciously avoiding letting yourself think about it. One might even go so far as to say that you’re in denial about it. 😉 Do yourself a favour and let it surface because there’s a serious shift in your thinking waiting for you in this.

    Whatever you’re struggling with, I’m willing to bet that you’re blaming someone else for it and holding someone else accountable. It’s so much easier to blame them than take responsibility for it ourselves. If we take responsibility for it, we have to do something about it, or chose not to as the case may be. Here’s the kicker, you’re giving your power away to them, AND, they probably have no idea, nor do they care, that they’re seemingly holding the cards of your life right now.

    I know it may suck to hear this, but I’ve lived this so I totally get it. I blamed my depression, anxiety and PTSD on some ill begotten friends of my brothers who made incredibly poor choices about how to behave with me as a 10 year old and proceeded to blame them until I was in my 40’s.

    Like I said, I get it.

    this is what depression looks like
    This is what depression looks like.

    The Shift in Your Thinking

    Here’s where the shift in your thinking happens. Whether your struggle is with your financial issues (that you may be blaming your parents for because they controlled the money and didn’t teach you how to have a relationship with it), or for the women-men issues (because you didn’t get the love you craved from your dad so you’ve spent much of your adult life placing that burden on your spouse), or for the men-perhaps the opposite, being mom issues (I can’t specifically speak to this one but it’s likely the same as the daddy issues we women tend to have), or the whole insecure, self worth, self esteem issue (that I blamed those boys for). Yes, those are all my real life issues I’ve worked through, aside from the mom-son dynamic obviously.

    Whatever you’re blaming that one person (or group of people for), you also need to thank them for. Blame them for the good, but also blame them for the (perceived) bad. Because whatever you hated about that situation/struggle/experience/relationship, those same elements have caused you to be the opposite/look for the opposite/create the opposite in your life.

    Stick with me here…

    My financial issues stem from me not understanding money; it’s value, it’s worth, it’s place in my life. As a child, my dad worked and my mom stayed home and volunteered at the Y. In my limited awareness that a youngster has, I saw that my dad had the money and made the decisions. If I asked for something I wanted, such as the clothes that the cool kids were wearing (Beaver Canoe, Gender Benders, Tretorns, Roots, etc.) I was made to feel guilty for wanting those things, selfish for asking for those things, and ultimately that I didn’t deserve to have those things. Tell me that doesn’t mess you up to have those (unconscious) beliefs running in the background all your freakin’ life!

    The Flip Side

    The flip side of feeling negative about the lessons learned from my dad (like men control the money, and I’m not worthy of having money). The shift in thinking came when I realized that I learned positive lessons from his as well, like the fact that I have a great credit rating (because I’m good at paying my debts). The problem is that we tend to focus on the negative, like way too much, and flat out deny any good that came from the situation.

    Another Example

    I mentioned the bit about my brother’s friends and without getting into all that here (my book is available on this website if you’re interested in the rest of the story). For years, and I mean years, they had power over me, first because I didn’t tell anyone until I was in my late 30’s, and secondly because I allowed them to have that power. Once I started working with a therapist, I was able to reframe those experiences and what they meant, but that’s in the book too.

    Rewriting Life An Introvert's Journey: Finding Peace & Perspective Through the Denial & Depression
    Rewriting Life An Introvert’s Journey: Finding Peace & Perspective Through the Denial & Depression

    Blame Game

    My point here is that I blamed them for my low self esteem, fear of life in generally, fear of people, my shyness, low self worth, insecurities with males in general, I could go on. It was supremely beneficial for me to take back my power but also even more powerful to be able to blame them for the good. The early experiences shaped the person I am today and allow me to lead with compassion and empathy for people almost like it’s a default setting.

    But also, and perhaps even more amazing, is that those experiences taught me to treat people better. To never want to put someone in a difficult situation, make anyone feel uncomfortable, or take advantage of anyone. I thank them for making me an advocate for mental health issues, respectful treatment of each other and empowering women, and men, to make better choices. It taught me to seek out and create a marriage that is kind, respectful and nurturing, where there is a balance of power and no one is over powering the other.

    The Gift

    I’m so much better of a person now than I would’ve ever been had those (traumatic at the time) experiences not ever happened to me.

    A shift in your thinking, looking for the positive lessons that you’ve learned from those you blame for the negative, will change your life. It will create space to breathe where there was restriction before. It will allow lightness where there was heaviness, and will open you to new levels of healing, of love and forgiveness that you never thought was possible.

    I would not have the drive, the compassion or the perseverance I have today if it weren’t for my life experiences when I was younger, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I happily “blame” my dad, my brother’s friends, and every other seemingly negative experience I’ve ever had for making me who I am today.

    Jennifer Grigg

     

     

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  • Depression and Anxiety Do Not Have To Be A Life Sentence

    My Journey - Jennifer Grigg

    Five years ago I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder (it was MAJOR, and it was DEPRESSING and I was completely OUT OF ORDER), generalized anxiety disorder (yes, I was a little high strung…ok a lot…and…a lot of the time…and about pretty much everything), social anxiety disorder (so much for always blaming it on my introversion), PTSD (that one is a real bitch to deal with) and as if that wasn’t all bad enough, I was also gifted with something called PMDD premenstrual dysmorphic disorder (because PMS wasn’t enough, I apparently needed to super size it.) For some, receiving that info may have been devastating, but for me it was validation for why I’d endured a lifetime of low self worth, low self esteem and no self confidence….and REALLY hated parties and social gatherings of any and all types. Normal for introverts but this was extreme.

    I can make fun of it now, but that’s because I have enough distance from it to see it from a different perspective. A perspective that was absolutely not available to me during the better part of my life while I was deep into the quagmire of mental health issues.

    I deeply respect and fully appreciate the struggle of those who are going through any mental health issues/challenges/battles now and will absolutely hold space for any soul that reaches out to me. I get it. I’ve been there and done that. I looked into the abyss and if it weren’t for the two beautiful humans that I birthed into this world, I wouldn’t be here today. As much as I wanted the incessant torment and inner turmoil to end, I just could not leave them.

    The diagnosis served as acknowledgement from a mental health professional (a psychiatrist) and an explanation of why I always felt like I was inherently and hopelessly flawed. It all tracked back to a difficult childhood that I’d kept to myself until I was in my late 30’s. I had vehemently decided I’d take it to my grave rather than ever tell anyone. Little did I know, the memories that I’d buried so deeply started to bubble to the surface and demanded to be seen, felt, heard, relived and ultimately faced and released.

    Thus began the real journey… I’d been on and off antidepressants over the years (I’m med free and doing beautifully), I wrote and self published a book about my journey, I walked away from jobs – most recently my career highlight and most-money-I’ve-ever-made job (because ironically it didn’t fulfill me) with nothing other than a steadfast commitment to following my bliss – and I decided to start a coaching business from scratch. I left my job December 1, and have been busy building my business ever since.

    How I desire to be of service is this:

    I’ve learned to do things that I once thought were impossible. I want to help others do the same.

    Depression and anxiety do not have to be life sentences, we’ve just been conditioned to think they do.

    An unfulfilling job doesn’t have to hold you hostage, we just think it does.

    You can’t make money by just being you. Why not?? I’m out to prove this one wrong right now.

    I’m of the mindset that when I hear “you can’t do that”, whether it’s from someone else or my own mind talking trash, my automatic response now is, “Oh ya? Watch me.” 

    “When the voice on the inside becomes louder and clearer than the voices on the outside, that’s when you know you’re onto something good.” Dr. John Demartini.

     

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